It's Personal

Latest work in process. I might title this one Eighteen...

Blame the Planets

I've been following Tilly Strauss's divorce document journey on her blog with compassion and fascination. How courageous, healing, and immensely satisfying to put one's pain directly on paper and bind it tidily together in a little book, then put it all to bed.
The photo above seemed an apt illustration to the topic. This was taken by one of the students in my Mixed Media Portraiture class at the Farnsworth this spring - I told the model that I would strike a pose, and asked him to respond to it. Of course with my head down, I couldn't see him, but heard the group chuckle and cluck, then one woman remarked, "Oh, God. Typical male/female scenario."

Playground Love

Leafing through old photographs early this morning I came upon this one, taken in the summer of 1973. I am pictured here (bottom right) with my cousin Christopher and his first wife, Cindy, and my first husband, Tony (standing behind me). None of us were married yet - we were all still dating when this picture was taken. Recently I had cut the little black and white head (the third picture) out of a magazine and stuffed it in my image file with a mental note to make artwork someday about my youthful obsession with this classic form of beauty. Tony looked like an Adonis. I'm serious. To this day, he is probably one of the most perfect looking and beautiful young men I've ever seen. Add to that an aloof, mysterious sort of personality. I fell for that, hook, line, and sinker. I was totally obsessed to the point of addiction. I created a fantasy of who I thought Tony was based solely on his looks. How unfair - to him, and to me. My relationship with Tony ended after the birth of our son, Eben. Life, our relationship, and my perception of Tony, got real, and fast. I was in an abusive marriage. I left him. Sadly, I learned years later that Tony was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I heard that he'd had some treatment and was doing well for the first time in years, and then he went missing. He's been missing since the mid 80's, and is most likely deceased.

How set up are we to do this? To pursue an ideal? How many of you have had this type of relationship? I'm curious. This morning after I scanned this photo to add to one of my family albums on Facebook, I saw this video on Facebook, posted by a friend. It really hit home. Obsession, first love, longing, addiction, etc...