Peter, Peter, Bosch and Blake

More about my self-portrait from 1984, the second painting in my last post. As I stated in my comments, I made many drawings when I started therapy in 1982, after the birth of my 4th child. I experienced a very difficult post partum with extreme depression and anxiety, including debilitating panic attacks. I had not been making any art for several years (besides craft items, baked goods, decorating the house, etc) and my therapist explained that I was not acknowledging my darkness, or what she called my "shadow side."

She said to me:

"Run - don't walk - to the nearest art supply store, buy some paper, and start drawing."

I made a series of charcoal drawings about my anger and fear, and about feeling trapped. Even though we were adolescents in the 60's and 70's, my husband and I grew up in very 50's households. Our parents were not college educated. In our childhood homes, the father was in charge - he controlled the money and made the decisions, and our mothers were very submissive. These were our role models. Subsequently, we had alot of unlearning and changing to do in order to survive together as a couple!

My painting professor was extremely supportive, and he encouraged me to make a painting from my charcoal drawings. He told me that my drawings reminded him of William Blake, who I had never heard of, and yes, Hieronymus Bosch.

But it is this old nursery rhyme that is at the heart of my self-portrait:

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater ,
Had a wife, but couldn't keep her.

He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well.