Slides

I just bought a slide scanner, and have begun the huge job of processing my father's enormous collection of family pictures. What a treasure trove. Posted here are some pics of my mother, the last one with me. Ideas are percolating about how to use these wonderful old images in my drawings...

Mama's Song

An American Tune, 2011
cake tester, clothespins, baking rack, sunshine and photocollage on snow.

Mama I, 2011

Mama II, 20100

Mama III, 2011

Mama IV, 2011

Mama I, II, III, and IV, 2011

cake tester, clothespins, baking rack, trivet, sunshine and photocollage, on snow.

My Dad used to sing this song to my mother. There are several versions on Youtube - I chose this one because it is a barbershop version (Dad belonged to the SPEBSQSA). Plus, it was performed on November 8th, which happens to be my Mom's birthday. That sealed the deal...

A Visual Prayer

MOM, II, 2011

kitchen matches, tears, snow, and blackberry brambles.

(thankyou, Susan, for the idea for this post title...)

Call Her Name

Mother I, 2011
ashes dumped on snow, 12' x 4'

Mother II, 2011
ashes dumped on snow

Mother III, 2011
ashes dumped on snow

Mother IV, 2011
ashes dumped on snow

Mother V, 2011
ashes dumped on snow

Mother VI, 2011
ashes dumped on snow

MOM, 2011
ashes painted on snow

(thankyou, Annell, for the idea for this post title...)

Ashes and Snow

I had it in mind to do a small charcoal portrait from an old photo of my Mom to begin my daily project, but while I was baking yesterday afternoon, I looked out the window at the bright sun shining on the brilliant snow and got the notion to grab the ash can and draw with the crumbly gray powder directly on the clean white expanse of my garden. In the back of my mind I must have been remembering seeing photos of this installation, but when I'm drawing with charcoal, I'm always aware that it is burnt wood that I am handling. Ashes on snow feels alot like charcoal on paper. I liked the idea of making this impermanent portrait in nature from materials that are organic - it seemed an especially fitting start to this venture of honoring (my mother's, and all of our) transient life. I also need to honor my creative process each day and welcome without judgement whatever private rituals I feel compelled to perform as I work through losing my mother...

One a Day

Martha & Edna, circa 1976.

Me and Mom last winter.

I found out yesterday that my Mom has less than six months to live. She is 89 and has Alzheimer's and is declining, entering a new phase of fatigue and confusion. The nursing home where she lives has called in Hospice, telling us that this is the first stage of Hospice, and that they will be there to give Mom more intensive one-on-one care during the day, which she needs now. If Mom stops eating, they won't force feed her, and if she stops drinking, they won't force fluids. They will allow nature to take its course and make Mom as comfortable as possible. My heart is heavy and sad, yet I feel oddly at peace with this news. I want to travel to RI as often as possible to be with Mom, and I want to take the best care of myself during this difficult time. The way I've always taken the best care of myself is through my creativity. Yesterday I thought about starting a creative project about my Mom - possibly a series of portraits - some done here in Maine from photos, and some done from life while I'm in RI with her. I wondered if this would be a healthy thing to do, or an obsessive, wallowing, and unhealthy thing to do? Should I delve right into my feelings? Or find a project that will help me put my mind on other things?

I've decided that I want to honor her. I have the gift of knowing that her time is limited - we knew that my dad was dying, and we had some extraordinary connections during that time. I can use this time to create about Mom, and feel all my feelings, and celebrate her wonderful life, rather than simply numb out or feel only sad. I do believe that she would want this. She's always been a fun loving spirit. So when I saw this video on-line this morning, it was all the encouragement I needed to start this venture. I will start my one-a-day mom project today, and I'll post more about it here tomorrow.