Friday, March 13, 2009

Playground Love

Leafing through old photographs early this morning I came upon this one, taken in the summer of 1973. I am pictured here (bottom right) with my cousin Christopher and his first wife, Cindy, and my first husband, Tony (standing behind me). None of us were married yet - we were all still dating when this picture was taken. Recently I had cut the little black and white head (the third picture) out of a magazine and stuffed it in my image file with a mental note to make artwork someday about my youthful obsession with this classic form of beauty. Tony looked like an Adonis. I'm serious. To this day, he is probably one of the most perfect looking and beautiful young men I've ever seen. Add to that an aloof, mysterious sort of personality. I fell for that, hook, line, and sinker. I was totally obsessed to the point of addiction. I created a fantasy of who I thought Tony was based solely on his looks. How unfair - to him, and to me. My relationship with Tony ended after the birth of our son, Eben. Life, our relationship, and my perception of Tony, got real, and fast. I was in an abusive marriage. I left him. Sadly, I learned years later that Tony was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I heard that he'd had some treatment and was doing well for the first time in years, and then he went missing. He's been missing since the mid 80's, and is most likely deceased.

How set up are we to do this? To pursue an ideal? How many of you have had this type of relationship? I'm curious. This morning after I scanned this photo to add to one of my family albums on Facebook, I saw this video on Facebook, posted by a friend. It really hit home. Obsession, first love, longing, addiction, etc...


artslice said...

Oh boy... obsession is a powerful thing. I often wonder if most of us experience it when we are in the late teens and 20s? It's a wonder we survive these experiences. My story luckily didn't involve a marriage. How tragic he disappeared. Thanks for sharing your story.


Great photo...a slice of life, another life. Everyone looks so blissfully optimistic, except Tony.

Love addiction has been a current topic of conversation lately.

With the way things are these days, each has a different way of coping. The ones we think are safe, seem to reach out of character and try on someone new.
The ones who are stuck on the vicious merry-go-round, seem to spin a little faster.

martha miller said...

hi brenda and teri

yes, obsession and love and relationship addiction can be a huge drain of energy! i just wonder how many people in their teens and twenties, like brenda suggests, have this sort of extreme unhealthy attachment to another person? are there any healthy relationships at that young age? my kids had very intense and not so healthy early relationships when they were teens...
i think our culture is a huge culprit in the prevelance of love addiction...that, and family of origin issues.
pia melody has written several great books on the topics of sex and love addiction and codependence.

Susan Beauchemin said...

Funny video clip!!! I think you're brave to post about this--I remember that time well--thank goodness you went through all of it--I'm thinking of Eben here--(sorry Eben if you read this), but what a cool little bright bean he was--still is in an older way of course.

martha miller said...

hi sue

oh, yes. i wouldn't change a thing and eben is one of the beautiful gifts from that experience. life is for learning, as they say.

i know - isn't that the funniest video? that little bubblegum narrator of THE DRAMA...and he found his love at the end, too,stuck to the script and ABC*. guess she wasn't a virgin. hee.

*ABC: already been chewed